The Anger Iceberg

Have you heard people say that the best way to defend yourself is to attack? Do you sometimes first feel anxiety and then, suddenly anger?

Imagine, you are at home waiting for your child to come from school. It is already 2:00 p.m., and they are not home yet. Three o’clock, four, five—you are very worried! You call the school, then ERs. You become more and more worried as horrible thoughts enter your mind. Then, suddenly, your child shows up, and you yell, “How could you do this to me? I was so scared that something bad happened to you! How dare you not to reply to my call!” You are pissed off, but your first emotion was anxiety. In this case, anger serves as a secondary emotion that covers anxiety.

Anger is the top of the iceberg, and underneath is anxiety. Look at the picture of the anger iceberg, and think about situations when you were angry What was your primary emotion in that situation?