Are You A Dedicated Mother Who Is At Your Wit’s End?
Is the pressure of raising a healthy child causing you to put your career, marriage, or physical and emotional well-being on hold? Are you struggling to gracefully cope with your child’s emotional outbursts, behavioral issues, or problems at school? Have you tried everything in your power to bring peace into your home only to realize that you may actually be contributing to the situation with your own visible frustrations?
Perhaps you have trouble maintaining a level head or resisting the urge to lash out verbally when your child misbehaves. Or it could be that for years you’ve been concentrating on your career, and now that you have a newborn, sorting through the mountains of childrearing information makes you wonder if you really have what it takes to be a good mom.
Raising a child can be difficult for anyone, but for mothers, it can be particularly stressful. It’s an unfortunate fact that women traditionally bear most of the weight for childrearing and domestic responsibilities. Over time, this imbalance can become exhausting, making it incredibly difficult to be emotionally stable when confronted by a child’s defiance or poor behavior. In the heat of the moment, you may respond to your child in a way that shocks you once you’ve had a chance to collect yourself. Similarly, you might feel guilty, inadequate, or perhaps resentful of your child, which only makes you feel like a worse parent. You may feel blessed to have a loving family, but the stress of raising a child and being a “perfect mom” sometimes makes you wish for a simpler time.
Many parents have been exactly where you are, wondering if they made a mistake or were cut out for childrearing. And although you may be experiencing a lot of internal guilt, you can learn to better regulate your emotions, cultivate greater confidence, and instill lasting peace in your household.
Raising A Child Isn’t Easy
Most parents, mothers especially, eventually experience some form of burnout while raising their children. It’s been the subject matter of numerous blogs, support groups, as well as a string of recent films, such as Bad Moms, Working Moms, and Netflix’s Let Down, all of which indicate that anger management and emotion regulation are clearly common issues—not only when it comes to raising a child but also in dealing with conflicts in your relationship.
However, our contemporary society does little to help the situation. Social media, entertainment, and the myth of the super mom all serve to make women feel like they constantly have to be on top of their game. But the truth is that we are only human and comparing ourselves to unrealistic standards only adds to the atmosphere of frustration, fear, and guilt. Further, even though women are typically paid less in the workplace, we are also disproportionally accountable for a majority of the child rearing and domestic responsibilities. And when so much weight and stress is on one person, it can be crushing. You may feel alone, inadequate, or ashamed because you “just can’t do it all.”
It is completely natural to feel powerless, angry, and even resentful toward your children despite how much you love them. Unfortunately, when we are stressed out and overloaded, we’re less able to create positive change. Instead of showing patience and tolerance, we lash out and let our frustration bleed into our words—even when presented with the smallest of challenges. And if you are currently struggling with depression, anxiety, or the effects of childhood trauma, it can be even more difficult to manage your emotions.
Fortunately, you can learn to control and guide your feelings in a way that balances acceptance with positive change. When you are committed to making a change and putting in the work, you can learn to communicate openly and honestly with your partner and child, tackling conflict as a team instead of resorting to arguments or silence. You can help your child recognize and work through anger in a healthy way. And when you prioritize your family’s well-being (and your own wellness), you can foster the compassionate, loving home you deserve.
Emotion Regulation Counseling Can Benefit You, Your Child, and Your Family
Emotion regulation counseling with adults often begins when a parent comes to me to talk about their child’s behavior at home or performance problems in school. And while we will work together to address the concerns you have for your child, it’s important to remember that your own wellbeing is just as important. If you don’t feel your best, you can’t be at your best for your family. As we begin working together, many of my clients begin to realize that therapy is a place where they can go to feel validated and understood without shame or fear of judgment. That happens because I offer a warm and compassionate space where we can explore not only your child’s behavior and development, but also what you are feeling, how you are reacting to it, and what you need to do to make a positive change for yourself and your family.
One of the first steps we will take in the healing process is to identify any situations, emotions, thoughts, or behavioral responses that you want to change. We will then look at emotional triggers or barriers that may be preventing you from being the person and parent you want to be. During sessions, I’ll also educate you about not only about emotion regulation, but also about mindfulness, grounding, distress tolerance, and stress reduction so you can begin working toward greater self-regulation that will tremendously affect your children’s behavior.
Parents often encounter a range of unique challenges, so I offer an array of treatment strategies designed to suit your individual needs and goals for therapy. is a scientifically supported treatment approach that can help you recognize how you are dealing with anger and gradually change your behavior and responses to triggers. DBT also focuses on improving self-care. This could mean eating healthier, asking for more help from your partner, or giving yourself permission to “get away from it all” for a few hours without guilt or shame.
In contrast, can help you embrace and even appreciate parts of yourself that may be in conflict with the way you wish you could feel. For instance, if you feel guilty because your child’s tantrums make you want to scream and pull your hair out, we will work to validate your anger as coming from a very real place of exhaustion, disappointment, or feeling overwhelmed. Rather than trying to change how you feel, you can learn to accept your emotions and work through them in a healthy way.
Another tool I rely on is , also known as play therapy. Theraplay is a fun, personal, and interactive way of repairing and strengthening the attachment bond between you and your child. This wonderful, family-focused strategy nourishes aspects of the parent-child relationship that may have been damaged or misunderstood due to challenges in your child’s behavior.
For some moms, anger management issues may stem from anxiety, depression, trauma, or prolonged grief. In these instances, I use an intervention known as Traumatic Incident Reduction (TIR). TIR can help relieve some of the intense, recurring memories, thoughts, or feelings brought on by unaddressed mental health concerns or painful past experiences. Whether we are working with DBT, Theraplay, ACT, or TIR, you can expect to walk away from our sessions with new skills, exercises, and anger management techniques that will help you respond to your child and partner—and all of life’s unexpected frustrations—in a way that is meaningful and productive.
Since 2001, I have been helping exhausted mothers and other individuals learn how to regulate their emotions and overcome their insecurities. I know that it can be hard reaching out for help, but it is absolutely possible for you to learn how to control your emotions, become more mindful, and step away from stressful situations when you need a moment. In time, you will be able to change the way you respond to triggers, repair damage to your relationships, and provide your child with an emotionally safe environment where they (and you!) can grow and flourish.
Perhaps you are considering emotion regulation counseling but still have some concerns…
I worry about how much this will cost.
Your relationship with your child is one of the most powerful and rewarding experiences you can have. Protecting that bond promotes the healthy development of your child throughout their entire life, so the potential investment pales in comparison to the .
The thought of talking about controlling my anger causes me a little anxiety.
I understand. Opening your heart and soul to talk to someone you just met about things that you feel shameful about can be very difficult. As a parent who has been through the same thing as you, I know how it feels to question your ability to be a mom. That’s the reason I have dedicated my work to helping improve and repair the relationships between mother and child. When you see that you aren’t judged—that you are accepted by a compassionate person who understands you and has been in the same boat—it changes your feelings and anxiety can give way to hope and confidence.
What if I am the problem?
One of the things I try to teach my clients is that there is no blame here. My goal is not to point a finger at a guilty party. Rather, my goal is to show you how to deal with anger and other intense emotions in a way that creates a safe and nurturing emotional environment for your child and the relationship with your partner. I also stress the importance of validating your own thoughts and feelings so that you can cultivate greater self-acceptance. By understanding and even embracing parts of yourself that bring you shame, you can stop blaming yourself and start taking action to improve the relationship with yourself and your child.
You Can Be The Mother You Want To Be
If you would like help coping with anger and other powerful emotions that are affecting your parent-child relationship, I invite you to contact me. Please to set up your free consultation to see how emotion regulation therapy and anger counseling for mothers can help you.